How can we stop judging others so much? How can we stop sowing judgment and condemnation?
Assume the Best
If you are about to get upset and start judging and condemning, stop and tell yourself, I will assume the best about that person and the situation. I wish I had learned and applied this 50 years ago in my marriage and every other area of my life. It makes such a huge difference. Learning to assume the best can also bring trust. Assume they are only late because something happened to them that they could not help.
Example: I remember when Debbie took a trip to China by herself but met a so-called friend there. I began to worry and tried to call her with the only phone number I had, but every time I called, I got someone different. A man would answer and say I don’t speak good English and don’t know Debbie. I would say, but this is the phone number I have. I could have let my mind run away, and it did some, or I could assume the best for and about her. That’s what I did. I thought the best for her and about her, but I sure was glad when I heard from her, and she was OK.
Don’t Condemn Them
Romans 8:1 (NKJV) “There is, therefore, now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus.”
If Jesus does not condemn us, we don’t need to condemn others, much less our mates. Condemnation is holding something against them, attacking, damning, and criticizing. When we get saved because of Jesus’ blood, God frees us from all condemnation, our past sins, being damned, and sets us free. When we get married, we should not hold our mate’s sins against them. Self-Examination is the best explanation of what the real problem is!
Sow Encouragement
Romans 1:12 (NLT2) “When we get together, I want to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours.”
I want to show encouragement, and I want to be encouraged by you. What if instead of sowing judgment and condemnation, we intentionally seek ways to sow encouragement daily?
2 Corinthians 13:11 (NLT2) “Dear brothers and sisters (Husbands and Wives), I close my letter (This message) with these last words: Be joyful. Grow to maturity. Encourage each other. Live in harmony and peace. Then, the God of love and peace will be with you.”
I can tell you if it were not for my wife, I would not still be in the ministry. You have no idea how many people in CHURCH gripe, complain, are selfish, ungrateful, and come thinking church is simply all about them. I had it this week. I had a person write all kinds of things about me on Facebook because I did not baptize his daughter because of who she was, while I did not even know who she was. If I had, I would have baptized her and celebrated with the person writing about me on Facebook. I called him and told him I would be glad to baptize her again this Sunday, just me and her, and that I did not know it was his daughter. He should have come up to me, and we would have had pictures together and celebrated together. He said he was sorry for letting his mind run away with him.
This type of thing happens more than you can imagine, but if I did not have a wife like Debbie, who continues to encourage me, I would not still be in the ministry. I am also blessed with a great staff who encourages me. Thank God.
Debbie is My CEO (Chief- Encouraging – Officer). She knows everything about me and still loves me, believes in me, and encourages me. I’m not Debbie’s project – I’m her partner!
Insight to remember: We must learn to sow what we want to reap, not sow what we are reaping. Learn to Assume the best, stop Condemning, and start Encouraging.
Love is not so much a duty, but a delight, it's not so much a feeling as a fact, it's a decision that leads to the right actions over and over until the feelings come. Love is the right decision put into action over and over again that will then lead to the right feelings. You can't feel your way into love, but you can act your way into love.
It's not a decision that makes a great decision...it's what you do after. Learn insights from 50 years of marriage. Through this book. I hope your marriage and relationships go from ordinary to extraordinary.
Pastor James Greer