This is a hard one for me because we loved each other before we got into church, but it was hard to stay on track. When you’re first married, you have great emotional love, but true, lasting love is more than an emotional love; it’s more an action. When we were first married, sometimes we would spend time with people we loved, but people were doing things and saying things I did not want to be doing and saying. Let me put it another way: if you drink too much for too long, you will eventually do things and say things you are sorrowful for. We might have done that before we got into church a few times. When you say things you should not speak very often, you must decide to change or live the life you know is not best for you or your family.
We decided to try church mainly for our daughter Shannon at first; I believe she needed to be in church. To our surprise, we were the ones who needed to be in church in the Word and under the Word.
Not long before, we met some people at the little church on Haynes Ave. We began to have a home group, but at the time, we did not know that’s what it was called. We played cards, laughed, and had fun. We didn’t drink and still had fun. This is not a message about not drinking. If you can have a drink or two (or three) and can handle it, more power to you. But if it keeps leading to doing and saying things that start arguments, you might want to think about stopping, cutting back or limiting what you drink. This is complicated by the way. It might not be drinking with you; it might be drugs.
To our surprise, we began to love the church and change friends. Some old friends got upset and thought we were becoming holier than they were. The truth is we would have loved for them to come with us.
That was our first step to getting on track or back on track. We moved to Tioga and found a church we loved called Faith
Baptist Church and became very active. I even began to teach even though many times, when reading, Debbie would have to sit right next to me and help me with the Word and almost have to wipe off the sweat. But those were great years; God blessed me, and the class would grow and grow. That’s where I felt the call from God under Pastor Harry Ganey.
It was not long before I got off track again; we were going to church. I was teaching but working and doing that most of my life. If there were one thing I would change, it would be to not work as long and as many hours as I did. I thank God I had a wife who was thankful she had a husband who would work when many husbands were not working. Whether it’s working, a hobby, or going out with the boys or girls too much, spending too much time away will get you off track.
There will always be a battle. If you don’t work hard and long enough, you will struggle with money and financial problems. If we work and play less, we can handle family problems. There is no easy answer, but just be aware of it and work to balance it. It will be a battle most of your life if you care for your family and mate.
If you both love each other, you can get back on track. I don’t care how far off track you have come- if both parties want to get back on track and will apply Godly principles, you can.
Mark 9:23 (NKJV) “Jesus told him, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.”
Do you believe? Mark 10:27 (NKJV) “But Jesus looked at them and said, “With men it is impossible, but not with God; for with God all things are possible.”
It might be impossible if you keep trying to do it without God, but it’s possible if you do it with God.
Proverbs 12:4 (TEV) “A good wife is her husband’s pride and joy.”
The goal is for your wife to be your pride and joy! If she is not right now, know that God can change that and wants that for you. I know because Debbie IS my Pride and Joy!
First, know that everyone who’s married long enough gets off track at some time or another. The real question is how do you get back on track? Lots of counselors will tell you to go back to where you got off track and start there. They may be right, but that is not where I’m going with how to get back on track. I believe you need to start with you both defining what a great or good marriage would look like. A great verse in the Bible says without a vision the people, or couple ,perish. Proverbs 29:18 (KJV) “Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.”
The goal is to have a Godly vision that brings happiness to you both; you can have it, but it must include God. Proverbs 29:18 (MSG) “If people (couple that) can’t see what God is doing, they stumble all over themselves; But when they(couple) attend to what he reveals, they (couple) are most blessed.” God not only wants you as a couple to have a Godly vision, He wants you to be happy! I believe it is time to stop focusing on all your problems and to start focusing on your Godly vision God has for you. Habakkuk 2:2-3 (NKJV) “Then the LORD answered me (You as a couple) and said: ‘Write the vision And make it plain on tablets, That he may run who reads it”
You both need to know what a great marriage would look like. You might even need to write it down where you can go back and focus on it. Then run for it, give it all you got. “For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; Because it will surely come, it will not tarry.”
It’s going to happen; don’t give up or get out. If you both want to have a Godly, good marriage you can, not simply because you want it, but because God wants it for you and tells you, you can have it. It will take intentionality, not saying I’m going to try. Trying won’t make your marriage better, but training will. You have to have a vision, you have to stop blaming and start aiming! Vision provides hope, and when you have the right hope you can get through almost anything. Romans 15:13 (ESV) “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”
Allow the hope of God to work in your marriage through the Holy Spirit in such a way that it begins to bring joy and peace starting right now. Define the vision, begin to declare the vision to each other, and be dedicated to it. It takes work but the work is worth it. Whatever you focus on is magnified. If you focus on the vision getting better it will. If you focus on the problems, they will be better; stop allowing distractions to cause the wrong reaction. Focus on the vision that you both have desire! Talk about what a great marriage would look like and define it right now. Declare it (talk about it right now), commit to being dedicated to it right now.
Love is not so much a duty, but a delight, it's not so much a feeling as a fact, it's a decision that leads to the right actions over and over until the feelings come. Love is the right decision put into action over and over again that will then lead to the right feelings. You can't feel your way into love, but you can act your way into love.
It's not a decision that makes a great decision...it's what you do after. Learn insights from 50 years of marriage. Through this book. I hope your marriage and relationships go from ordinary to extraordinary.
Pastor James Greer