If you want to have an exceptional marriage, it will take doing some exceptional things. I do not think you can have the relationship God wants you to have with each other apart from an exceptional relationship with Christ.
You can’t depend on your mate’s relationship with God!
When I talk about exceptional relationship with Christ, I’m talking about you agreeing that God’s word is the Ultimate Authority. The more of God’s word you know and apply, the more of God’s will you know! Psalm 127:1 (NKJV) “Unless the LORD builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; Unless the LORD guards the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.”
When I say exceptional, I’m not talking about going to church together, even though I believe that’s very important. I’m talking about thinking about Jesus, talking to Jesus, allowing Him to speak to you. Read His word as He is talking to you. Matthew 6:33-34 (NKJV) “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”
Whatever we prioritize, we have progress. Prioritize your relationship with God and your mate, and you will make progress in that area.
You have to have exceptional self-acceptance. You have to learn to know and believe who you are in Christ.
Visit the link to view the “Know Who I Am In Christ” Resource: https://jameswgreer.com/who-i-am-in-christ/
When you know who you are in Christ, you become:
- Accepted.
- Secure. (Romans 8:1-2)
- Free forever from condemnation.
- Significant.
Until you learn to get your acceptance, security, and significance from Christ, you will try to get it from others who can’t give it to you even if they want to. For years, I would, without even knowing, try to change Debbie, try to make her the person I thought she should be, instead of focusing on becoming the right person. If we are not careful, we will fix our hopes and dreams on this person for our future fulfillment. Setting our hopes and dreams on the other person is unfair to them or you.
Learn to fix your hopes and dreams on God and seek to please Him through this relationship, and your relationship will improve. This won’t just happen; you have to make an intentional effort. 1 John 4:7-8 (NKJV) “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God, and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.”
You have to become exceptionally unselfish. By nature, we are selfish and negative. Selfishness is at the heart of most problems between people. Conflicts and disputes among believers are always harmful. Because of our lack of self-awareness, we often miss how selfish we are. Instead of seeing how selfish we are, we think we are right.
James 4:1-3 (NLT2) “What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you? You want what you don’t have and scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have but can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it. Even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure.”
Selfishness robs our joy with God and others. The only way to overcome selfishness is the love of Christ in you. Christ’s love leads to wanting the best for the other person. Can you honestly say you want what’s best for your mate more than you want for yourself?
If you want an exceptional marriage, it will take exceptional forgiveness . Romans 12:17-19 (NKJV) “Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.” Forgiveness is not a weakness. It is the portal (way) to power.
Example: A well-known preacher said, “ The hardest person he ever had to forgive was his stepfather. His stepfather used to beat him and then say, “ I wish I had never bought you!” He was 15 years old when he died and we never reconciled. He did not want to forgive him. He wanted to hate him. But, later, he realized he must forgive him if he was going to move forward and be free of this hurt. My Heavenly Father says, “ He never regretted purchasing me with the priceless blood of His son, Jesus Christ. His love has freed me to forgive my stepdad and bring peace about my past. I can now move forward and love and be loved.”
It takes exceptional financial principles. Don’t spend more than you make. Don’t spend what your mate does not know you are spending. Make a budget together. It takes two committed to financial principles to have an exceptional marriage. Tithe 10%, save 10%, spend 80% .
If you owe more than you make, you must cut back or buy an older car or a smaller house, etc. Financial principles lead to financial freedom. Whatever you are financially connected, you will be emotionally connected. Matthew 6:21 (NKJV) “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
That’s why most arguments in marriage and the homes are over money. You start talking about money, and you will get emotional one way or another. Your heart does not belong to Jesus until your money belongs to Jesus. When you give your money, your emotions follow. One of the main reasons to tithe and give is because it causes us to be emotionally involved with the right things and the right person—the things of God and the person of Jesus Christ. God is not trying to take from you but give to you.
It takes exceptional moral freedom. Don’t be flirting with the opposite sex. Don’t be alone – out to eat — texting – Facebook — any social media that might lead to being immoral.
1 Corinthians 6:18 (NKJV) “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.”
Hebrews 13:4 (NCV) “Marriage should be honored by everyone, and husband and wife should keep their marriage pure. God will judge as guilty those who take part in sexual sins.”
It takes exceptional purpose in life. Matthew 6:33-34 (NKJV) “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”
Finding and living out our true purpose significantly reduces our worries, problems, and pains. We must understand that Jesus is our only trustworthy source of meeting all our needs, and anybody and everything else is simply a conduit God uses. We must understand our purpose after salvation is not a comfortable and pain-free life; it is doing our part in all we do, wherever we do it to further God’s Kingdom, not ours. When we learn and live out our purpose, God will turn every pain into part of that purpose.
It takes exceptional harmony with authorities: Who are your authorities? Parents, police, pastor? Usually, if you don’t have a problem with parents, police, and pastor, you won’t have a problem with the boss and teachers. If you’re not in harmony with your authorities, you will have problems being in harmony at home. If you’re not in harmony with your authorities, you will have a problem being in harmony with the Ultimate Authority, Jesus Christ, and the Word.
Romans 13:1-5 (NKJV) “Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God. Therefore, whoever resists the authority resists the ordinance of God, and those who resist will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to evil. Do you want to be unafraid of the authority? Do what is good, and you will have praise for the same. For he is God’s minister to you for good. But if you do evil, be afraid; for he does not bear the sword in vain; for he is God’s minister, an avenger to execute wrath on him who practices evil. Therefore, you must be subject, not only because of wrath but also for conscience’s sake.”
Romans 13:1-5 (NIV) “Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right, and he will commend you. For he is God’s servant to do you good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword for nothing. He is God’s servant, an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience.”
It takes exceptional faithfulness (Not Giving up). Galatians 6:9-10 (NKJV) “And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Therefore, as we have an opportunity, let us do good to all, especially those of the household of faith.”
Love is not so much a duty, but a delight, it's not so much a feeling as a fact, it's a decision that leads to the right actions over and over until the feelings come. Love is the right decision put into action over and over again that will then lead to the right feelings. You can't feel your way into love, but you can act your way into love.
It's not a decision that makes a great decision...it's what you do after. Learn insights from 50 years of marriage. Through this book. I hope your marriage and relationships go from ordinary to extraordinary.
Pastor James Greer