Truths to Consider:
When we don’t know who we are and how we got there, we spend much of our life and marriage trying to be someone we are not. We become who we were around (parent-grandparent-greatest influence) God + others = decisions we make and wo we often think we are. Couples often get married and falsely believe everything bad in their life will disappear. Getting married cannot instantly heal past hurts, but learning and dealing with past hurts and handling them correctly can help bring healing. Secret sins keep us sick; sins others do to us make us sick. (James 5:6, NKJV) What is not healed will hurt you and others.
Talk about past hurts and hang ups that have been brought into your relationship.
What were your parents like? How did you really feel as a child? What are a few good things that you learned from your parents? What are a few bad things that you hope you don’t bring into this marriage or relationship? What do you feel is the greatest hurt or baggage you might have brought into this relationship? Don’t live your marriage in regret management, but rather chasing your remarkable future (Discovering the wonderful possibilities God has for both of us.) (Philippians 3:13, TLB)
In the future, we agree it is our job to clearly communicate our wants, likes and desires. It is our responsibility to listen, but not fix. We agree and commit an unspoken expectation is an unfair expectation. We are responsible for communicating our own dreams, desires, and longings.
Marriages are worth fighting for so AGREE to:
Stop allowing problems to hijack our progress. (Romans 5:3, TLB)
Pick times to talk about problems, but do not do it in a way to air grievances or win the arguments. Desire to show love and respect to one another.
COUPLES CHANGE ONLY WHEN…
They hurt enough they have to.
They learn enough they want to. Romans 10:17
They receive enough they are able to.
If you always do what you have always done,
you will get what you’ve always gotten.
Do you want help? Do you want to change?
Why do you want to change?
Why are you hurting?
Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain. Psalm 127:1 (KJV)
“But now in Christ Jesus ye who sometimes were far off are made nigh by the blood of Christ. (Eph. 2:13 (KJV)
For he is our peace, who hath made both one, and hath broken down the middle wall of partition between us.
Eph. 2:14 (KJV)
PERSONAL INTIMACY (SEX)
Maintain sexual purity before marriage. If you have violated this command, confess that sin to God and your mate. Understand that God created and intended sex among married people. Realize that failure to have regular physical relationships within marriage is sinful and opens your mate to temptation of Satan. Understand that God intends for sex to be enjoyable and pleasurable within marriage. Understand the destructiveness of lust and adultery after marriage. Commit to each other and be accountable to each other.
First, a Christian couple should desire to have children. It is best for a couple to spend time together before they begin having children. We must train our children properly. There must be total agreement between the parents regarding the training and disciplining of the children, which is art of the training.
LEARN TO HANDLE PROBLEMS WHEN THEY DO COME IN YOUR MARRIAGE
Don’t let them build. If they are not resolved within two weeks, both parties should seek help. Determine to stay together. Never go to bed with unresolved conflict. Read your Bible together. Talk about what you are studying. Learn to be close friends with your mate.
ROLE CONCEPTS COMPARISON
What do you believe about your role in marriage?
Answer Key: 1. Strongly agree 2. Mildly agree 3. Not sure 4. Mildly disagree 5. Strongly disagree