Anger artificially helps us feel in control, when we are really out of control. Anger falsely helps us feel powerful when we feel powerless. Anger is a secondary emotion that comes as a result of Hurt, Frustration or Insecurity.
Hurt = Real or Perceived Unmet Needs
Tool #1 Attack the Issue not the Person
Tool#2 How to communicate needs.
I feel angry or hurt or disappointed when you___________________.
Frustration = Real or Perceived Unmet Expectations
Tool #1 Lean to communicate your needs or (expectations) why you feel the way you do.
Tool #2 Use the word “I desire vs I demand” We can’t make anyone do anything, but we can share our desires.
– When desires are not meet we are disappointed.
– When Demands are not meet we get anger.
Insecurity = Real or Perceived Attacks on my worth
Tool #1 Ask yourself, Why am feeling threatened.
Tool #2 We have to get our insecurity and worth from who we are in Christ not others.
God created all of our emotions including anger. However, there are appropriate and inappropriate ways to express anger. We must learn to deal with anger in a healthy way so that it won’t control us.
Anger manifests itself in different ways. Appropriate anger responds justly to injustice or evil. God displays this type of anger in the Bible. It is a controlled, selfless anger. Appropriate anger leads to action, which calls attention to, diminishes or outright destroys the wrongdoing that caused it. Jesus’ anger at the merchants in the temple was appropriate: “Then he entered the temple area and began driving out those who were selling. ‘It is written,’ he said to them, ‘My house will be a house of prayer’; but you have made it ‘a den of robbers’.” (Luke 19:45–46)
We can also express anger inappropriately. Inappropriate anger seeks to repay evil for evil, exacting vengeance on others. Inappropriate anger is selfish and doesn’t make things better. Anger that is not dealt with leads to bitterness that ultimately harms us.
“Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil.” (Psalm 37:8)
“In your anger do not sin”: “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” (Ephesians 4:26)
“My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.” (James 1:19, 20)
God does not want us to be controlled by anger, but wants us to live in freedom and peace.