No Offense Means Great Peace

When writing about wrong expectations being one of the #1 causes of offense, conflict, problems, etc... I almost started laughing to myself. What my expectations are now and what they were in my previous 50 + years are unbelievable. If only we could learn this early...

I love writing about equity in relationships 50 years later. While the truth is during our first few years I did not even know what that was. Fifty years ago, I thought equity meant go to work bring your check home, pay the bills, and then go to church. Then the next...

Equity with Integrity = Healthy, Wealthy, & Lengthy Relationship! Psalms 33:5 (NET Bible)  The Lord promotes equity and justice; the Lord’s faithfulness extends throughout the earth Psalm 89:14 (NET Bible)  Equity and justice are the foundation of your throne....

The point is to become aware of not always trying to draw out equity without first putting it in. This applies mainly to day-to-day living. If we are not careful, life can become very routine and without meaning to you begin to take each other for granted. Your mate,...

The truth about communication is that I have written a lot of information about communication and better ways to communicate. But the truth is reading all this might not change your life, but love, humility, applying, and wanting to have oneness over winning, will...

One of my greatest problems with communicating is not talking, it’s listening... this list is the R’s of communicating through listening! #1 - First step of listening is to Release. Release what you think you know. Release your assumptions. Release the stress of the...

We all know people we love but don’t really enjoy being around. We all need to learn how to communicate better. Marriage = Relationship Communication When I say marriage here, it applies to all relationships. I believe most couples love each other – even those having...

#1 - Learn How to communicate better.  We will talk more about that later. #2 - Learn When to communicate. When I say when, we are always talking, but we are not always communicating. I was out to eat at a very nice restaurant with my wife and without knowing it I...

When we are communicating without clarity, there will be carelessness. With clarity there will be completeness. When there is clarity, but things are not complete, there will be consequences and problems. Many times, what we call a problem results when one or the...

Most couples do not have a talking problem, they have a listening problem. Let’s unpack the 4 steps of Hi Def listening. Step #1: “Release” Release what you think you know. Release your assumptions. Release the stress of the day. Release your need to be right. Step...

#1 Words. Ecclesiastes 9:17 (NKJV) “Words of the wise, spoken quietly, should be heard rather than the shout of a ruler of fools.” Proverbs 18:21 (NKJV) “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Proverbs 15:23 (KJV)  “A...

Five Basic Needs of a Man: How you can show Respect #1- Physical fulfillment. Sex is the #1 need #2 - Recreational #3 - Attract a spouse #4 - Domestic support #5 - Admiration and respect: Build him up. Do not try to outdo him spiritually. Example: When he comes home...

It is hard to believe that conflict can turn into blessings but it’s true. God loves to take bad and turn it into good. Philippians 2:13-14 (NKJV) “For it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure. Do all things without complaining and...

Conflict – two or more people trying to occupy the same space or control the same resources. Insight about conflict, wars, and fighting The truth behind most if not all conflict is control – both want to control the same thing. (Money – Children – Time – ect.) Both...

Acknowledge your anger. (Yes, admit it) Backtrack the primary emotion or cause. (This can be very hard at first, but very eye opening) Sadness, loneliness, disappointment, wrong expectations, feeling attacked, embarrassment, feeling unloved, jealousy, disrespected,...

Fifty years ago, I really believe most of our problems were people, places and things. By that I mean I really believed when I had a marriage problem the problem was the marriage. When I had a finance problem, it was a finance problem. When I had a work or job...

Why guard our hearts? It affects every area of our lives. Our hearts expose the areas where we need God’s help. If I’m having financial problems, marriage problems, anger problems, worry, stress, jealousy, sexual immorality, insecurity, and even wrong priorities, they...

The first crucial secret of a successful marriage is what happens after marriage. It’s great if you can afford a beautiful wedding and honeymoon, but rest assured, that’s not what will make a successful marriage. When I say successful marriage after 50 years, my wife...

If You Want A Successful Marriage and One that Lasts You Will Need to Know What Real Biblical Love Is: What many call love today is nothing more than lust and infatuation: We have free material if you are dating or a young person and want to know the difference...

If you want to have an exceptional marriage, it will take doing some exceptional things. I do not think you can have the relationship God wants you to have with each other apart from an exceptional relationship with Christ. You can’t depend on your mate’s relationship...

When couples get married they ALL have myths they believe. They may not admit it but they all do. You think you will fight less, have sex more, and always speak kind words to each other, or, if you’re not being kind to each other now, you falsely believe you will...

Relationships are also known as AHM relationships. A-The couple has a strong couple identity but very little individual self-identity. They lean on one another: They are structured so that if one lets go, the other falls. H-Partners stand alone, each self-sufficient,...

How I wish I had known, believed, and applied this principle 50 years ago. In all honesty I believed give back what you’re getting and then some. I believed win at all costs. If Debbie raised her voice I could do it louder; if she was a little ugly (not saying she...

How can we stop judging others so much? How can we stop sowing judgment and condemnation? Assume the Best If you are about to get upset and start judging and condemning, stop and tell yourself, I will assume the best about that person and the situation. I wish I had...

This is a hard one for me because we loved each other before we got into church, but it was hard to stay on track. When you’re first married, you have great emotional love, but true, lasting love is more than an emotional love; it’s more an action. When we were first...

#1 - Go to church together every Sunday apart from vacation and emergency. Psalm 127:1 (GW) “If the LORD does not build (your marriage) the house, it is useless for the builders to work on it. If the LORD does not protect a (your marriage) city, it is useless for the...

The problem with knowing God’s purpose for marriage is most Christians and non-Christians do not know God’s primary purpose for marriage. As you read this chapter, you will learn at least six primary purposes for marriage. Before you read the chapter, why don’t you...

#1 - Companionship. True companionship grows out of the oneness of spirit. Amos 3:3 (NKJV) “Can two walk together unless they are agreed?” Companionship is about being good company for the person you’ve chosen to share your life with. Couples that are good companions...

One night, When Debbie and I were first married, we got into a conflict that I thought I should have won, like always. We were still conversing when it became bedtime, so I decided to sleep on the couch. I thought she would tell me she was sorry the whole night and to...

The truth is most of my prayers with Debbie are at meals! We should pray more together; the sooner you start that, the better. You have some guidelines in the pages to follow. You could also pray blessings over them. Numbers 6:24-26 (GW) “The LORD will bless you and...

Debbie and I are in a new and exciting season of life. It is the first time I do not own or run businesses or have kids or grandkids living at home. It will be a GREAT season, but we have learned to enjoy every season. We have learned to enjoy the journey. My outlook...